Musing Of A Spinster: We Are Aware Of Our Single Status And Most Of The Time We Don’t Like It!

I have always joked that my folks would one day marry me off to some stranger who is willing to have me without so much as collecting a dowry. Of course, I know my family members would never do such. They’ll defend my honour till they draw their last breath. I am very sure of that.

Unlike me though, some women aren't so lucky. Their folks would practically marry them off to anyone who would have them. And sometimes, these unlucky women don’t have a say in this matter. I have seen cases of women who were forced to say “yes” to a loveless marriage, just because they’re getting “too old.” And in some ways, I understand what they must have been going through.

A few weeks ago, I crossed the threshold into the other half of the 30s. And for the first time, the ‘you’re not getting any younger’ mantra finally found an audience with my eardrums. Phew!

In less than a second, I took stock of my life and the men that may have crossed path with me. I haven’t dated much, I found. And I still don’t date! Worse is, right now, all I do is attract older men. Some even old enough to be my uncles, to put it mildly. And as a very close friend jokingly put it when I told him of the men, he said, “don’t mind them, they are only being paedophilia.” I had to laugh.

I must say that back then in my 20s, the thought of dating an older man seemed appealing. Romantic even. But not today. Not when 60-year-olds and above are asking for my hand in marriage. Come on!

That’s not cool.

Then a thought crossed my mind. What if I never find a young man to marry me? I mean, what young man would be willing to marry a woman in her 30s when there’s the distinct possibility that childbearing at that age comes with some risks, when he could find alternatives in younger women? Even if he was willing to live with that, would his family and friends find it acceptable? And if they don’t, what happens?

And the truth of the matter is, a woman my age doesn't have the luxury of time to experiment with relationships. I only have a maximum of six months to date and an extra two months to get married, right? At least, that’s what I think.

And yet, no man is asking me out. I never thought I’d be so scared for my future in my entire life. It looks dreadfully bleak. The best bet would be to latch on to any available man who asks me out, find a way to fit into his little boxes and get married. It seems like a reasonable enough choice to make. Only that it is not.

May I add that all of these musings were really absent of parental and extended family pressure? But as I said, I have a wonderful family which loves me to the moon and back. The family members are comfortable with all my decisions, although I'm guessing being eternally single isn’t one of them. They will support me and even walk through difficult situations with me.

But other women out there don’t have this gift. Like me, they’re plagued with fears of being single for the rest of their lives. But what I have found is this: no one will want her mate. There’s someone for everyone and the person for you is out there, waiting for you. I, like every other woman out there, don’t have to settle for less. I am a working woman and I take unabashed pride in my job. I, in fact, love what I do. I believe I am making an impact on someone’s life out there. Although being married is one of life’s joys and I really would want to be married, I should not be defined by my single status, but by what I am contributing to make the world a better place.

That is why I respectfully ask folks out there to, please, back off, at least,  a little. We are aware of our single status and most of the time, we don’t like it. You've got to see that. And we’re not going to allow ourselves to get pressured into getting married, even when that marriage is not good for us, on the long run.

To me, it is better being single than be in a loveless marriage.  So I am just going to say this to the single people out there, stay strong. Stay focused – focused on your life’s goal, on the kind of person you want to be and work at  it. Learn what will make you  become what you've always craved for and prepare yourself for that kind of marriage you want. Confess your future into today. Eventually, it will come to pass. Do NOT see yourself as a failure. Don’t try to work it all out yourself – your judgements may be clouded and you may fall.

As I said, it is better to be single than to be in a loveless marriage